The pregnant lady wants what she wants.

Throughout different times in my pregnancy, I’ve craved different things.

In the very early stages, I wanted all kinds of dairy (yogurt and milk – chocolate milk in particular, and process cheese slices. Do those even count?). I developed an affinity for condiments on everything I ate, especially ketchup – something I wasn’t very fond of prior to becoming pregnant. There was also a hankering for meat. Beef and pork were the flesh of choice; I was never a huge chicken fan before, and something about the smell and taste of it completely turns me off now.

I have always had a well-developed sweet tooth, and pregnancy has only served to heighten this. I eat a candy bar about twice a week, usually a Twix or Wunderbar, and in the absence of chocolate, a personal-sized mini-tub of Hagen Dazs dulce de leche does the trick.

Now that I’m in my second trimester, most of my cravings have calmed considerably, although I still love ketchup (something I hope disappears once Peanut arrives – blech), but my new thing is a pint glass of lemon water (plain water makes me gag), and a vanilla Vachon 1/2 moon cake before bed. The confection is something my mother used to purchase for me when I was a child, and I don’t have memories of eating them much after third or fourth grade. Random samplings in adulthood revealed them to be much sweeter than I remembered, and only kind of good, but these days they’re my late-night go-to and I savour every morsel.

I even have a preferred way of eating them: cold (I keep them in the fridge). I nibble the edges first, saving the middle portion for last, as that’s where the icing is concentrated. One would think that I’d prefer a glass of milk to wash down something so sugary, but no… only lemon water will do.

I really can’t wait to return to my normal eating patterns. While incredibly high in fat, carbs and protein, My diet thus far has has been disappointingly devoid of fresh fruits and vegetables.

No wonder I can’t poop.