And so, we bid a sad adieu to my once-monthly treat of bloody cow flesh and other goodies. Pregnant ladies have no fun.

So, my bloodwork came back from the lab, and now it’s one hundred per cent official. I’m having a bean, and I’m due somewhere around the 28th of February.

After confirming the news and the estimated due date, my doctor gave me a little moms-to-be package to read when I got home, and a quick rundown of all the things I can and cannot do/eat/think/wear/imagine/try now that I am Officially With Child. She also made me my first appointment with an OB GYN. She asked if I wanted a male or female specialist, and to be honest, it really didn’t matter. So she chose Dr. Freedman – “You’ll like her, she’s good,” I was told – and rang up her receptionist to book me for the next month. During the call, she made mention of “patient’s AMA.” When she was done, I asked her what AMA stood for. “Advanced Maternal Age,” came the reply. Doctor-speak for “you’re old and your ovaries are dusty.”

I have a feeling I’m going to be hearing this acronym a lot over the next nine months.

Chez moi, I perused the whack of pamphlets and information that was given to me during my appointment. There was a booklet on approved OTC medications and such; practically everything available at my local pharmacy is bad and banned. In addition to alcohol and nicotine (natch), I also have to give up herbal teas, rare steaks (sob!), soft cheeses like Brie, Feta and chèvre (sob!) and deli meats. Fer the love of…I basically going to have to subsist on glasses of water and bowls of air until this child makes his/her debut. Thank ye gods I can have coffee/caffeine – although no more than an eight ounces per day. That’s about all I drink at any given time, anyway, so huzzah for small mercies.

My doctor mentioned that due to my AMA (aw, jeez), exercise is out of the question. The only good thing about it is I now have an excuse for ditching Insanity. 😀

* * *

In other TMI/news: I find I’m hella constipated lately. I’m going more often, but it’s getting harder – literally and figuratively (sorry) – to be productive on the can. I’ve also had a stuffy nose for weeks, now. I had chalked it up to seasonal/summer allergies or something, but apparently, the blood vessels in the mucous membranes swell during pregnancy (blood volume can increase by as much as 50% during this time). It’s likely this is also something I’ll have to deal with until The End.

If this were just a prohibitive regime for the good of my health, I have to admit, there would be some fudging. But I have a little person to think about now, so I’m going to have to bite the bullet and cut a whole lot of (yummy, tasty, fun) shit out.

My first post-pregnancy meal is going to be amazing.